I was paying my bills the other day at the One-Stop shop next to my house and inside they had the picture below up on their wall. It is His Majesty King Bhumibol Adulyadej and Her Majesty Queen Sirikit of Thailand meeting Elvis Presley on the set of G.I. Blues in June of 1960.
The King Meets The King
Note to all my ATL folk. I’m raising the middle finger to you all because of my jealousy towards your ability to watch football (American football aka REAL football that is) on both Saturdays and Sundays. Goddamn I wish I could just bullshit on a couch and watch some bone-crunching action all weekend. Oh well. Life goes on.
I wrote that paragraph above last nite at the Internet cafe and when I went home at around 2:30 am I flipped on the TV for the hell of it and sure enough the Bears vs. Chargers game was live on the air. Despite being tired as hell, I was forced to watch the first half at least. Not much scoring going on in the game, but there were wicked hits left and right from those defenses. The first hit on Grossman was nasty! Straight up blindsided. Goo!
What is strange about the broadcasts here in Thailand is that television stations outside of government-owned stations are not allowed to show commercials for profit. Thus, they can show commercials for their own programming but not for advertisements. Star Sports, the station that picks up Fox’s feed, chooses to just stay at the stadium and they leave the mics on while the American folks are watching commercials. It is rather interesting to see them set up the graphics and hear them discuss how they are going to handle certain commentary. You can hear Aikman and Buck chat about plays that happened and what they think about them. For example, Grossman threw and INT and Aikman was saying that they needed shots of him talking to the receiver because he said everyone likes to harp on Rex but that INT was totally not his fault, Berrian just stopped on the route. Sure enough, when the broadcast resumed they did the whole run down. Just a little behind the scenes action for the folks in Asia.
1. Dave Fuentes, bassist for Hepcat and The Aggrolites, passed away last week at the age of 36. Much love goes out to both L.A. crews. Live On. Live On. Live On.
2. Khun Ree’s girlfriend moved into the 1041 spot and is living in The One EK’s old room. Craziness indeed. Re-route those SLAM magazines please!!!
3. Superbad turned out to live up to expectations. Classic teenage comedy. McLovin is the fucking man.
4. While Superbad was certainly hilarious, it doesn’t hold a candle to Yimou Zhang’s Curse of the Golden Flower which I viewed last nite. I had been wanting to see this since it came out, and I knew beforehand that it contained some of the most brilliant cinematography ever, but knowing isn’t the same as seeing. Jaw-dropping use of the frame. The story was equal in terms of quality. Highly recommended viewing.
5. I was told the 13 Roses picture is in print. I thought for sure that they’d scrap it since Watson has departed. Guess not. Check it out around the ATL.
6. On the Watson tip, here is a nice shot of me enduring the misery of his heavy hand. Photo taken by the rudest girl in the Highlands.
7. Today is the last day to enter the Marcus Geard Zoot Suit contest. Boss threads from a boss musician.
8. If I don’t win, I’ll settle for a copy of The Boss Harmony Sessions. Anyone found a link yet? Doubtful.
9. The winner from theGoLdBricK’s contest offering a prize to the first person to leave a comment on this page is absolutely nobody. All it would have taken was a simple click of the button and a “Yo!” and you would have been more than happy with the results. I had faith that somebody would have proceeded with the effort, but it turns out you’re all lazy bastards.
10. Haven’t followed the MLB season hardly in the least bit, but I got Red Sox v. Cubs in the World Series. Historic franchises in historical ballparks with my BoSox coming out on top in six games.
11. Hooray for me, I’m getting a MacBook this week. Hooray for you, the Top Rankin’ Hi-Fi will serve up some tasty treats upon its revival.
12. Madlib, PBW, Karriem Riggins, J. Rocc and Percee P are coming to The Loft on December 8. Don’t fuck it up and make the Esperanza presence known. Additonally, tomorrow is the Percee P, Common, and Q-Tip show at Center Stage. I recommend you attend.
13. Scroll down at this blog to see some hilarious albums covers. Some had been distributed in previous blogworld posts, but I had never seen the two below which are beyond hilarious.
14. The annual Phuket Vegetarian Festival is starting in about a week or so with early morning parades daily at temples throughout Phuket. Should be quite the spectacle. Jeb maak maak!
15. Till next time, stay sharp.
By the way, people here call 7-11…….”7″. As if the real name of the shop isn’t short enough. It even rhymes making it flow faster when speaking. Hilarious.
Finished working at the Phuket Gazette on Saturday the 15th. It’s moving on to the next endeavor, whatever & whenever & wherever that might be remains uncertain as I write this.
In celebration of me leaving my job, I finally utilized the ghetto kitchen of mine to cook a somewhat mediocre penne pasta dish which was complemented by some bread and my first Guinness in seven months. After cooking nearly every single day for the past five years or so, it was therapeutic in a sense to just listen to some vibes and prep a meal.
I honestly lost myself for a moment and thought I was back at 1041, and thought I was gonna ‘round the corner and see The One EK watching Six Feet Under. Had to shut my eyes and snap back to reality. Delicious meal and I’ve taken advantage of the kitchen almost everyday since last weekend, but there is still a ways to go before a proper kitchen is in line.
Top Five Items At Publix That I Miss
I just want to mention that my work has a full kitchen with plates, cups, bowls, spoons and knives, but what is missing from the entire place? Forks. Not a damn fork to be found in the whole building. I’ve been eating my dragonfruit and watermelon with either a spoon or stabbing them with the end of a chopstick. Guess I could bring a fork from my house, but that brilliant idea just dawned on me. Dammit.
I ate soup the other day at this really popular food shop in Suan Luang and after investigating I found out it was filled with damn near every organ in a pig that you could imagine. Intestines, liver, ears, bladder, stomach, and even congealed pig’s blood. For desert we had chocolate ice cream. So gross and so awesome at the same time. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be in Asia eating pig organ soup a year for then, I would have told you that you were likely to be correct.
I’m going to be leaving the Gazette sometime in the next month or so. While I’ve bitched about the job quite a bit, it really isn’t that bad of a gig. For someone who has only lived here six months, my knowledge of Phuket in terms of its geography, people, culture, government, and the way the all function together is a million times more than others. The job isn’t terrible by any means because it is super relaxed and operates under the notion of just getting the job done by the deadline. I’ve developed a comfortable niche here doing advertising editing and page layout as well as grabbing a few of our features as my own as well as pushing the raw copy from our Thai reporters through to print in the mean time.
Everyone here is really nice, but the problem mostly lies in the fact that lines of communication around here are miserable and the employee turnover among the editors is the highest of any job I’ve ever held in my life. I’m the veteran of the team with a 5-month tenure. The upside is that nobody ever keeps tabs on me for anything, and, in fact, over the course of this week, I wrote this entire post on the job. Key!
So, I’m not sure where I’ll be headed after this. I’m either going to work with a friend of mine in the properties market here in Phuket which would be an absolutely sweet gig. It’s a family affair kind of gig that is essentially a “you do what I need you to do, and you’ll be set for years.” Hopefully it’ll pan out but as for now it is up in the air because our investors are still purchasing land at the Land Execution Dept. auctions throughout August and once the information becomes more concrete then decisions can be made.
If it doesn’t work out, then I’m gonna work with another friend of mine who retired from the Gazette about a month ago. I know it’ll be a teaching position at a resort, but I’m not sure which one. We used to vent all the time about the back-asswards operation that the Gazette runs, and he said that when I left to just give him a call and he’d set me up in a comfortable position. Looks like the day will come before I know it and I’ll be sure to keep you posted on how it all goes down.
One thing is for sure, I won’t be holding any of the positions listed below because The Alien Occupation Law of 1973 states that foreigners are prohibited from engaging in the following occupations. The list is hilarious and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
They include the following as well as some others that actually do make sense:
Um………what the hell?
I was awakened yesterday morning not by my alarm clock, but by over a thousand fucking fireworks going off in front of my house at 7:00 am. Too bad there is no video documentation of me springing from my bed cause it’d be beyond hilarious to watch over and over. Talk about shitting a brick. In an instant I realized that I would be the worst fucking soldier that has every existed were I in the army.
Anyways, fireworks are not uncommon round these parts. As a matter of fact I hear them quite often. The difference is that most are usually somewhat distant from where I am standing. Let alone sleeping. So, the reason the onslaught of noise occurred was the grand opening of my neighbors’ Jatukham Ramathep amulet shop. Well, after being awakened, I drifted back to sleep to the tune of Buddhist prayers being played insanely loud out of their hi-fi. When I exited my house to head off to work, they greeted me with smiles and after describing my sudden awakening via charade-style, they all started laughing and then offered me massive amounts of food which I graciously accepted. Good times and good food.
On a business note, Thai people love having their own business whether it is going to be successful or not. My neighbors’ shop isn’t going to sell jack shit in my opinion. Their selection is minimal in a flooded market, but they could care less about assessing conditions. Everybody has there own little niche that they fill, with food shops being by and far number one, and the best of all is the guy who pushes a cart full of straw brooms around. He comes by every other day and it just seems impossible that the demand for brooms is so strong, but, sure enough, he has been walking down my street ever since I started living here. I told my friend that I was gonna give him 100 baht, more to be nice and less because I really need another broom, and my friend told me that he’d probably give me five brooms. He’s right.
Went to Kata Viewpoint a couple weeks ago and it really dawned on me just how gorgeous it is where I live. Sometimes I guess I just take it for granted where I am or get jaded in doing the humdrum routine of working daily, but damn this island is amazing.
Spent the other nite on a really quiet Nai Harn Beach and just soaked in the environment. Did some riding out near Kamala a week or so ago and stared at the hills and sea way more than I did at the road. Went to Koh Sireh…..again. The Wat on the top of the hill has become my new haven. Views of Koh Phi Phi, views of Phuket Town, views of Phang Nga Bay that stretch for miles, views of Koh Yao, and views of Samkong, my home, also. It’s the perfect place to lose yourself and meditate. A giant reclining Buddha rests at the top and I’ve seriously never seen another person anywhere close to this place. Solitude.
There are so many things that I have yet to explore around here, and this doesn’t even include leaving here and exploring places off the coast. Top things I want to do include kayaking to Koh Hong, rock climbing at Tonsai Beach, go back to Koh Phi Phi, sleep on Mai Khao Beach, visit Khao Laak, visit BoDan and a ton more.
Peffer arrived last weekend and has been gone all week exploring the land, but he didn’t depart before being shown the glory that is the go-go bars of Soi Bangla. Epic nite was had again and my health deteriorated five-fold. Quality afternoon chillin’ at Kata Noi and checkin’ out the viewpoint. Back to the crib to shit, shower, and shave. Motorbike-taxi ride out to Patong and straight to the go-go bar. Shots and beers were being tilted back in fine style while smokin’ a hookah and having our eyes delighted with fit women struttin’ their fine selves up and down the catwalk. K. Ree had his face worked by a girl’s crotch. Peffer had the ladies beggin’ for that Pittsburgh style. I managed to get completely outta hand and was making out with one of the girls with her straddled all over me. With little desire to make the nite less tame, we accepted the invitation to Tiger bar where all hell broke lose and The One Nero became the definition of buckwild. Shirtless in the club, killin drinks and spending zero minutes dancing without a girl suspended in the air while wrapped around me and grindin’. All I know is that if I was in South Carolina, I’d be in jail. Epic indeed.
The epic nite from a weekend or two ago will likely require too lengthy of an explanation, so I’ll stick to a simple listing and let your piece the story together yourself.
- hooked up at the beach with one of my giks
- found some Newcastle and Stella at a local store
- drank my first Newcastle in six months in the shower
- drank the Stella in the car on the way to Patong
- went to Subway and spent US$9.00 so I could eat my first Veggie Delite sub and 3 cookies combo in six months. well worth it.
- laughed at a guy selling an ATL hat for 1,500 baht or US$50.00
- pounded some brews on Soi Bangla and then headed off to a go-go bar
- Khun Ree got called out first to go on stage and ended up being stripped and put into some tiny tighty whities. two girls rubbin’ him down. pussy in the face. put into a tub where he was straddled by a girl takin’ a shower. dragged off stage to change. the boner could not be hidden.
- i got called out next. less humilation, more fine girls. pants dropped. lap dance on stage. huge smile on my face. dragged off stage. mingling with 10 naked Thai girls in an 8×8ft room. they loved me and took all my money. after 15 mins, the security guy came looking for me.
- i was called out again. ate pieces of pineapple off some tits. out of the girls mouth. and then laughed at the shy Korean dude who was afraid to eat a piece off her pussy. delicious.
- called out again! another fine girl all up on me. bigger smile on my face.
- back to Soi Bangla to pound some brews and crack up about all of the prior events.
- drunken friends stumble back to the car. pissing in the sea. falling on the road. back to Phuket Town.
- call my other git up and go out to the beer garden. tilted back a bottle of 100 Pipers. shut the place down at 5 am and headed back home.
- K. Ree was sleeping in my bed, so I hooked up with my other gik in the lobby outside my room. goin’ at it, and, oblivious to it being morning time, my neighbor walks out to go somewhere. completely naked, so was she, and he walked right on by like nobody was there. awesome. after a laugh, we went right back to it.
- went to sleep having one of the most epic 24-hour periods in weeks.
fucking classic.
I finally found out why people would laugh when they asked me where I lived and I replied “Sam Kong” using a middle tone. The reason they’d crack up is because that translates to “I live in three sandcastles.” Saaam Kawng, however, using a low tone is actually where I live. Fucking hilarious.
The other day I ate dinner with some friends of mine and I dined on deep-fried grasshoppers which were surprisingly really good even though any taste from the grasshopper was killed by the massive spices they coated them in. I also ate a boiled chicken’s foot which was unsurprisingly completely nasty. There was hardly anything to eat on it, but I devoured its palm and then ate the skin off one of the fingers so I could see the bone. My friends got a kick out of me pretending to shake hands with it. Ahhh, classic. Couldn’t have imagined doing that a year ago. Khun Ree has a nice picture of this somewhere. Can’t find it though.
I was asking a friend about recommendations for a place to get a haircut last week and through conversation about haircuts, I found out that it is considered unlucky to get a haircut on Wednesday. What a strange belief. The weird thing is that the shops are open on Wednesday. Seems like bad business practice to me. Anyways, I got a haircut at a shop around the corner….on a Tuesday.
