the.goldbrick

Never Run Up Khao Rang

Running up the hill near my hotel. This was a good idea gone terribly wrong. I used to love running before I came to Thailand, and I actually completed a 10K every week, if not twice a week, out at Stone Mountain Park. Man do I really miss that place. You couldn’t zone out and run like that here to save your fucking life. I did finish one half-marathon back in December, and had every intention to continue my training toward a full marathon here, but trust me….you walk, and I mean walk, down Yaowarat Rd. and you try to tell me how in the hell that would ever happen.

I asked a local where to run and this hill is recommended which is right near where I live. At the top is a Fitness Park. Sounds great, right? Think again. I go out one day with the idea that leaving around sunset would be fitting, pun intended, so that I could watch the sunset from the top, and then come down. The hill is brutal, however it does possess a wicked view of Phuket from the top, but it also possesses some of the scariest wild dogs you could ever imagine. I make it up find despite some nasty blind curves.

Get to the top and love the view, but the Fitness Park has nothing I could figure out. It was weird ass metal poles that even me being someone who is familiar with working out couldn’t figure out what they were used for. Maybe some pictures can add to the bizzarity…yeah I made that term up. Guess I gotta take a motorbike back up if I wanna take pictures. Additionally, at the top are signs that state “Beware of Monkey…May Bite U”. I was told that they really have migrated from there, but still. One is probably still around, and I bet you it would love my Georgian blood.

On the way down. I get my power walking in, and this place is filled with pricey houses and a radio station which are why the dogs truly exist, and sure enough, here comes a pack of nine…no shitting you NINE. Talk about freak out mode. I was looking for the nearest tree or flatbed truck, and sure enough there wasn’t one. So I know from simply being a human that running past them is not the answer. Slow-Mo walking was in full effect, and were it not for a single distraction to them all, I don’t know if I’d even have hands to type this email, let alone be alive to divulge the information. One random black dog distracts them all and I fuckin’ booked it for this business over yonder….ya like that Georgia slang even though I’d never say that term. Well, hell, over yonder was my safe haven, and thank Buddha for that.

So guess what I did two days later, I try the hill again. I’ve always been someone who never learns the first time around. It often takes 25 times or a 1,000. Well, it was twice for this hill because I made it half way up, and it wasn’t the NINE, but it was the FOUR this time, and these are not Jaspers, Otises, Libby(es) however that is pluralized, or Atticus(es)…ditto, these are dogs that are out for white man’s blood. They could give two fucks about Thai people…it’s the sudden strange scent that I possess, and I’ll blame it on Libby since she is the last dog I lived with. By the way all of those dogs and their counterparts would be ruined on this hill. Fetching a ball is not in the agenda for these type of dogs.

Anyways, I see the FOUR and its lights out for my exercise session. Straight back down it was, and were it not for a couple gates….like I said…might not see this email. Needless to say, haven’t gone back up since except on my friend’s motorbike.

Oh yeah, I was also told by the school that this was absolutely not a good idea. My friend asked during class for everyone to give adjectives for “dark, dangerous, and mysterious”, and I later learned that he was asking for better descriptions of this hill. My adjective was “life-threatening”. I’m glad I still have calf muscles and arms. I still haven’t been running regularly which pisses me off. I’ll figure it out soon enough.

Arrrrrrgh!

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